Wonderfully Made – Build Successful Marriages

I got to share part of my past relationship stories with 30 over friends and guests at a Christmas party yesterday.  And one thing I talked about was my jealousy and that it had sabotaged my relationship.

Often,  people would say jealousy is a prove that you love the other person, but actually that is not really the full picture, especially for my case in the past.

I was easily jealous when the girl I liked (and whom also liked me then) talked to other attractive guys. My mind will be thinking would she be interested in him and no longer in me. Would she leave me if she finds some other better guy than me?

If you look closely at the thoughts that go on in my head, they are pretty motivated by a sense of insecurity. I did not believe in myself that I was worthy of her love, and I was wrestling with myself whether I am lovable, based on her decision if she would ultimately choose me or other guys. That jealousy is basically motivated by my fear of being rejected, rather than because I love her. I was not even officially steady with her then, yet I was demanding her to make decisions that fulfill my insecurities.

In fact, the only conclusion I can make for such a case of jealousy, is that I actually loved myself, more than  I loved her. That is why I sometimes term jealousy as insecure self love!

True love is not demanding, because true love is not self seeking. If your boyfriend or girlfriend often gets jealous unreasonably at you, he may need help to sought out his own insecurities, before going into the next step of commitment.

For the record, my relationship with that girl eventually failed. I was so jealous that I did not talk to her for weeks. After that, her love for me died.

With Roxanne, it was a complete different story. I was secure, and I knew her acceptance or rejection of me does not determine my self worth. I was able to tell Rox that she had complete freedom to choose, and should she decide at the end that I am not the one, or if there’s a better guy out there, she has the right to reject me. Yes, it will hurt, but not to the point where my self worth comes crashing down. This time round, I love her more than I love myself, and I truly want her to find happiness, even if it’s at my own expense.

Love is not self seeking. When a man truly loves, few women can resist!

Rox said yes to be my girlfriend after almost 6months of courtship!